The world ran out of toilet paper…
“Mom, they think I’m lying….I told them we have 80 rolls.”
It was the beginning of the zombie apocalypse. Shelves were empty. The middle schoolers were in a Google Meet discussing toilet paper.
“I’ll show them,” Declan started walking toward the pantry with the webcam.
“No!” It was bad enough the PE teacher saw my messy kitchen and the science class saw his disgusto-room while they were showing off pets and hobbies. There would be no pantry tour. Yes, I did have a ton of TP, but it wasn’t a stockpile, it was an accident.
I didn’t want to look like a jerk. I got a welcome packet with coupons when I rejoined the warehouse store and I shopped without checking the pantry. I bought some things twice—including TP and a couple critical cleaning items.
“Note to self, take inventory next time. But at least I won’t have to buy this stuff for a year…”
My shopping fail turned out to be the biggest win of the decade. Who knew the new 1% would be measured in rolls of Scott and Charmin? According to “The Toilet Paper Calculator” I had a 14-month supply.
(While some companies were racing to develop vaccines, others made toilet paper calculators. Enjoy!)
I was prepared…
Shelves were empty. People were scared. Most people today haven’t seen a shortage or ration card. Fear got worse with each social media rumor.
The Poser Homestead really pulled through though. I wasn’t just the queen of toilet paper—I had things like eggs (I raise them), yeast, flour, and other pantry staples. I hate going shopping, so I keep ahead of these things.
My homesteading mantra has always been, “If I were a pioneer, I’d be dead.” And “Do your best but don’t worry—there’s a store down the street.” On the day there wasn’t a store, I was ready…even if it wasn’t intentional.
But, what is “ready”?
Now that I’ve seen the power of my little hobby homestead, I’m thinking about preparedness. It felt good to be ready, but it’s easy to go overboard.
Tolstoy wrote a short story called “How Much Land Does a Man Need?”.
It’s about a land-greedy peasant tempted by the devil. He wanted land and got some. He wanted more and more. Eventually, he got an offer from the devil in disguise to purchase all the land he wanted for a thousand rubles if he could walk it in one day.
Spoiler alert: He did, then he dropped dead.
The answer to, “How much land does a man need?” was, “Enough to bury him.”
So, how much toilet paper do I need? Or anything, really? I don’t have the exact answer but it’s not 80 rolls.
Things that saved me:
I preserve food and shop in season. I try to plan for a full year whether I’m canning and preserving food or picking up something seasonal like cranberries (for my favorite muffins!) in November or a couple candies I love that have a holiday version. I get them 75% off the day after the holiday “for the year” but really eat them in a couple months and return to healthful living.
I maintain a deep pantry with all the scratch ingredients I need to craft whatever food I want. We don’t really have takeout here, but I’m a better cook than average takeout anyway. I hate running out of things. I don’t shop often. So, if I can stare at my shelf and make something delicious, I’m happy. That’s what I want to do.
I bulk cook and freeze so I have meals ready. It takes just as much time to make one of something as it does to make five meals and freeze four so I have something ready when I don’t feel like cooking—or in this case, shouldn’t or can’t go to the store.
None of that is that hard to do. I learned one thing at a time until I looked up and… it paid off in spades.
I’m grateful to my little Poser Homestead for teaching me a better, tastier, and simpler way to live and to pulling us through this year. That’s why I’ll continue to share what I learn.
I wish everyone health (and toilet paper!) during these difficult times, and a poser homestead of your own!
Coming up next… It’s peach season. I’ve got recipes!